My 2019 'Fuck Budget'
I was inspired by Vix Meldrew - you know her, creator of Exciting Emails the podcast and newsletter, all round badass blogger and giver of no nonsense advice - who was in turn inspired by the book ‘The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck’ by Sarah Knight to create a 2019 ‘Fuck Budget’.
Head on over to Vix’s post (linked above) to check out her fuck budget and find out a little more about it, but basically it’s working out what you’re going to dedicate more of your time to - what you will give a fuck about - and what you’re going to spend less time worrying about - the things that aren’t worth your fucks.
And christ only knows I spend entirely too much time giving a fuck about things that aren’t worth my limited time and energy.
Your gal has got entirely too many other things going on to give a fuck about shit that don’t add anything good to my life. Friendships that really aren’t working out, work things that don’t matter in the grand scheme, etc etc.
You get the picture.
More fucks for the good things, less fucks for the not so good things.
Vix writes about how Sarah says we should divide our fucks into four categories (and other sentences I didn’t think I’d be writing out here in 2019): things, work, friends, and family.
Let’s do it.
MORE FUCKS: YOGA, FRESH AIR, GREEN THINGS, DRAG
I know, I know.
‘Cordelia, how do you even have more fucks to give to drag? Surely it gets all your fucks already?’
To that I say, there is always more fucks where those first fucks came from. Drag changed my life. In 2019, it will keep me sane when everything else is too much. And besides - literally all my friends are either drag queens, drag kings, or drag fans.
I have to go to shows just to see them. Otherwise I would be as lonely as a cloud.
And the other things? I’m trying to cultivate healthy habits in 2019 that make my brain feel generally a lot better. I know in my heart that when I take regular time to breathe in fresh air (hard, living in London) and continue my yoga practice, and make more space at lunchtime for green things, I feel generally better in myself.
And feeling generally better in myself tends to lend itself to feeling better in the mind department.
It’s definitely not a weight loss thing, or an attempt to be the Instagram wellness guru of my dreams, but more of a ‘we gotta stay sane’ type thing. Green things, fresh air, yoga, drag. My personal recipe to staying reasonably stable.
LESS FUCKS: DIET CULTURE, POPULAR CULTURE, GENERALLY WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK
This is the first year in about 500 years where I haven’t hit January 1st and gone ‘right, time to diet’ - only to ‘fuck up’ three weeks later when the dreary drudgery of winter needs a doughnut.
This year is all about kicking diet culture in the teeth, and not thinking about it. I will eat green things because I enjoy a salad of a lunchtime and feel better in myself when I’m not existing on a diet of pasties and Sensations Thai Sweet Chilli crisps (although I’m not locking those things out entirely). I will eat chocolate when the mood takes me with no guilt attached.
Reiterating what I said above: 2019 is the year of not trying to lose weight. Diet culture can suck my ass (or, as my dear friend Nath says so lovingly: ‘lick my piss slit’. Don’t ask).
Popular culture? Not my bag of chips. I’m not a person who tends to enjoy what is popular in society at the time - catch me listening to the Schindler’s List theme tune on repeat and gleefully being lost at drag shows because I haven’t heard any of the songs being played.
2019 is the year of not giving a fuck that I’m not ‘current’ or ‘up to date’. I’d much rather enjoy what I enjoy, no shame or guilt attached. The darling Ruth from Ruth In Revolt has written a post all about ‘Loving What You Love’, and this year I’m taking much inspiration from it.
Going hand in hand with not caring that I’m not up to date with popular culture: generally not giving a shit what other people think.
I have spent too many years of my nearly 23 on this earth caring what other people think about me/what I’m doing with my life/who I spend time with/what I enjoy - and I refuse to do that now.
I’m not wasting energy on giving a fuck about what people think when I could be using that energy on things I do give a fuck about and that make my life richer.
MORE FUCKS: BLOG, CREATIVITY, FREELANCE WRITING
One of the best things to come out of last year for me was the creation of this little blog. It’s grown in ways that I didn’t expect, and taken directions I didn’t see coming: but in 2019 I want to get serious about it.
Not just blogging for the sake of blogging, but really building a portfolio of good pieces, starting more raw and uncensored conversations about the really tricky bits of mental health, only writing pieces that I truly feel proud of.
Ties in with freelance writing: I want 2019 to be the year I get a freelance writing career up and running, even if I don’t go full time for another year or two or three.
I want to start getting regular writing gigs, to fulfill my long time dream: moving to the countryside and holing myself up to write every day. It’s really all I’ve got going for me, and I don’t want to spend my life in London. Too much of a country bumpkin at heart.
Creativity wise - I want to stretch myself with what I’m doing on the blog, but also at work. My day job is running the social media and writing articles for a small tech company and to be completely honest? It’s not interesting.
In 2019 I want to get creative and find ways of making it interesting and pulling new people into our social media because of the content I’m creating.
LESS FUCKS: GETTING A NEW JOB FOR THE SAKE OF GETTING A NEW JOB, OFFICE POLITICS
I’ve been umming and ahhing about getting a new job for quite a while now. Mainly because I want to move out of my Dad’s house and I can’t do that in London on my current salary.
But at this point, I now don’t want to move on from what is a good job just for the sake of it, and risk being unhappy. This again ties in with the whole freelance writing thing: if I can start making some good money from farming out my writing skills, then I don’t have to worry so much.
Why is life so complex please caller?
I also want to start giving less of a fuck about office politics. Jesus christ does our office have some interesting politics. Still here for a cheeky pub gossip every now and then, I just can’t help myself, but I don’t want to devote so much time and energy to caring about people that don’t really have much impact on my life.
It’s tiring. Work is tiring enough without trying to tiptoe around office politics. Not here for it.
MORE FUCKS: CULTIVATING THE FRIENDSHIPS I STARTED TO FORM LAST YEAR, SOPHIE, SUPPORTING FRIEND’S CREATIVE VENTURES
I moved to London in 2016, but it really took until the very tail end of last year to really find my ‘tribe’ - the group of people that I would, at this point, lay down my life for.
It was a mix of just being on the internet and attending a bucket load of shows that led me to these friends, and there have been a few on the way that didn’t work out, but I can confidently say right now that the people I have make me giddingly happy and I can’t imagine my life without them.
2019 is about making those bonds stronger, spending more time with everyone, and supporting everyone in their creative ventures.
Because my pals are a bloody creative lot (and that include blogging friends, I see you reading this. Or well, I don’t. I’m not in your houses. But I do love you) and I want to continue to support them. It makes both our lives better, honestly. Here’s to you, good friends. Please don’t leave me.
And Sophie. Sophie is my good darling friend from Devon who has just this week moved to London. I have literally never been so excited. We have an entire google document filled with the adventures we want to have.
I’m ready to fill my weekends pootling around London with Soph, keeping our friendship alive, and finding out more about the city I’ve already dedicated two years of my life to.
LESS FUCKS: TOXIC FRIENDSHIPS THAT DON’T ADD ANYTHING TO MY LIFE, DISHONESTY IN FRIENDSHIPS, TRYING TO BE FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE
I mean, it really is what it says on the tin. I’m dedicating no more fucks to those friendships that suck away time and energy and don’t give anything back. Gone are the days when I would keep a friendship going for the sake of not hurting someone else’s feelings.
These days? If you’re not good for my life, you’re gone. Selfish? Maybe. But I have to put myself first, for the sake of my sanity.
Again, this goes hand in hand with dishonesty in friendships. I’m dedicating no more fucks to lying to my friends because I think it’ll make life easier. Life is too short to lie. Honesty is the best policy, and I’m ready to stand by that, no matter the consequences.
I can’t reconcile lying to people with being a good person anymore. It just hurts everyone in the long run.
And I’ve also come to the realisation I can’t dedicate fucks to trying to be friends with everyone. Some people will never be your friend, no matter how much you want them to be.
And that’s okay.
That’s just how life works. Better to put that energy into current friendships, guard my heart a little more when it comes to meeting new people, and really make an effort to make my friends happy.
MORE FUCKS: TRAVELLING TO SEE DISTANT FAMILY MEMBERS, CREATING QUALITY MEMORIES WITH GRANDPARENTS, SWITCHING OFF WHEN I GO HOME
I am a terrible granddaughter.
I have five sets of grandparents (don’t ask), and I for sure did not spend enough time last year visiting them. At this point, they’re not getting any younger and I don’t want to end up regretting not spending more time with them while I still can, and not asking the questions about their lives I would love to know the answer to.
So whilst my grandparents are scattered about the country - London, Cardiff, Birmingham, Devon - this year I am going to make more of an effort to visit them. I technically only have to work 4 days a week, so it’s easy for me to take a long weekend. No excuses.
And when I visit them, I want to spend that time productively making memories that I can treasure long after they have gone. And whilst I’ve told them all they have to stick around for at least another 20 years, you never know what might happen.
And when I go home (home in this instance being my childhood home in Devon), I want to stop being so plugged in to social media etc etc, and spend more time being present and creating those magical family moments.
My brother and sister still live at home right now, but they won’t always. There will come a point where we all spend months and months apart, and I’m determined to make the most of this time while we still have it.
And that doesn’t involve twitter. But maybe Instagram Stories. Gotta capture those memories.
LESS FUCKS: WASTING ENERGY ON FAMILY MEMBERS WHO AREN’T WORTH IT, FAMILY POLITICS
I have a large family.
Picture a large family, and then treble it. I have cousins I’ve never met, and an abundance of people who add me on facebook and I know I’m somehow related to them - but I have no idea who they are.
With a large family comes a) members who will never be worth me spending time and energy on and b) a metric shit tonne of politics.
I’m done with wasting my time trying to fit everyone in to my life. This is mostly aimed at one person in particular, but that’s a story for another time. The politics thing?
Staying well clear. I’ll go visiting family, I’ll be civil, but I’m not getting into slanging matches.
And there we have it. Cordelia Moor’s Official 2019 Fuck Budget. Now, if only I could put so much time into creating an actual spending budget…
A pin for your boards…
What’s in your fuck budget this year?